


Into the Fire

by babyboyblue (ryan_gaywood)



Category: Marilyn Manson (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Developing Relationship, Eventual Romance, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Implied Sexual Content, Recreational Drug Use, Unsafe Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-22
Updated: 2019-06-21
Packaged: 2019-06-30 22:39:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15761175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ryan_gaywood/pseuds/babyboyblue
Summary: Finding someone who's willing to drown with you creates a situation where you no longer want to drown.in which Marilyn Manson starts falling for someone even after he swore he wouldn't anymore.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> N'yello ladies and gays i'm gonna try really hard to keep this updated!! i've had this idea floating around my brain for a while now so i'm finally sitting down and slapping it all together!! as of right now it's going to be 5 chapters cus that's all i have planned out lmao

It was a rare day that Manson decided to actually pick up a newspaper, and today just happened to be one of those rare days. He sat at the kitchen table, absinthe in hand despite it only being 3 in the afternoon, and flipped through the pages. It was mostly the same old shit- someone selling their car, someone trying to sell their body, an “up and coming photographer/director” looking for pretty girls for “photoshoots”- the usual L.A. happenings. One ad did catch his eye though, a gallery opening for a local artist. The included pictures of her art, although grainy from the newspaper print, looked impressive. He contemplated for a moment whether or not he would go, then shrugged and downed the rest of his drink. “Why the hell not,” he said to himself. Maybe seeing someone else’s creativity could inspire him and pull him out of his current slump. 

“Amari Johnson, owner of Honey Bee Studios.” She couldn’t help the grin that broke out on her face as she read her new business cards for the millionth time since they had come in the mail. FInally, after 4 years of college, tons of shitty internships, and having to rent hole in the wall studios, she had reached her goal of owning her own studio, and having a gallery opening to celebrate her accomplishments. As she walked around the room gazing and reflecting on her own art, she couldn’t help the swell of pride in her chest.  
A bright blue head of hair from across the room caught her attention and the grin immediately returned. “Congratulations, bitch! I can’t believe it’s actually time for the opening!” Zeke, Amari’s best friend, was always a ball of energy. He was loud and extroverted while Amari definitely preferred to observe from the sidelines. They balanced each other perfectly.  
Amari found herself wrapped up in a tight hug with playful kisses being peppered over her face. “I wouldn’t be here without you! I can’t say thank you enough, Z.”  
“Mari, I keep telling you not to thank me! It’s my job to be there for you! Now, tell me what all you need help with so we can get ready.” Amari smiled again as she rattled off the list of tasks that needed to be completed before opening.

8 PM- the doors open and people begin to come in. Amari is in a bathroom stall trying to calm her shaking hands enough to hold the piece of paper her speech is written on. She snuffs her blunt out on the stall door and takes a deep breath. Manson is snorting a line before putting on his sunglasses to hide his dilated pupils.  
8:45- Amari gathers her guests’ attention and begins her speech. It goes almost perfectly, and she almost feels silly for worrying about it so much. The effects of the weed have kicked in and she’s ready to enjoy the rest of the evening. Manson’s driver is pulling up to the gallery in a black SUV. “I’ll be here until you finish,” the driver said as Manson opened the door. He steps out and makes his way to the entrance. 

“Good evening, welcome to the Honey Bee Studio opening.” The doorman’s voice is grating, or maybe he’s just irritable from the coke, he can’t really tell anymore. “The gallery is straight through these doors. Enjoy!” The doorman hands him a paper detailing the events of the night.  
Once inside, he looks at each piece in earnest. He really was impressed with her skill. He continued to walk around and observe all the pieces, until microphone feedback made him turn around towards the front of the room. According to the handout, it was time for the auction. I wonder what she looks like, he thought to himself. Almost as if on cue, Amari walked up on stage. Manson’s eyes widened behind his shades- he was definitely not expecting her to be so attractive. The bright yellow dress hugged all of her curves, and the soft light made her golden brown skin look like it was glowing. Her hair was in braids falling down her back, brushing against the top of her ass. He bit his lip at the mental image of her bent over a table, those braids tight in his hand as he slid into her-  
Applause and cheers pulled him from his thoughts and he clapped along with everyone else.  
The art sold well, but he was more concerned with finding her after the auction. 

Amari couldn’t contain her excitement as piece after piece of her art was auctioned off. After the last bid was completed, she took the podium again. “Thank you all so much for coming out to support. I truly wouldn’t be here without you. I also really want to take a moment to thank everyone that came after hearing about this through word of mouth, or from reading about it. Thank you for taking a chance on lil ole me.” She was beaming when she finished, completely shocked that everything was going so well tonight. 

After the checks were signed and collected, it was time to go back to the party. Champagne bottles were popped and glasses filled, Amari resumed her duty of making rounds and chatting with her guests, and Manson started his search for Amari. 

While Amari took a break from schmoozing, she spotted a familiar face. He was standing in front of a portrait of one of her favorite musicians with a small smirk on his red lips. Big black sunglasses blocked his eyes, so she couldn’t get a good look at him, but she knew she had seen him somewhere before. “Hey, Z, do you know him?” She jerked her head gently in the direction of the mystery man. “He looks so familiar to me?”  
Zeke glanced, then shrugged. “Nah, I didn’t invite him. He might’ve seen the newspaper advertisement? Ask him.”  
Amari nodded, trying to settle the nerves that just rose again. I’m gonna be so embarrassed if I introduce myself and we already know each other, she thought as she made her way over to him. 

Manson couldn’t help but to crack a smile as he looked at the painting of himself. She was definitely a fan. A gentle hand on his arm made him turn around, which put him face to face with Amari. “Hey, thanks for coming out! I really apprec- oh my god.” She stopped mid-sentence when she realized who she was speaking with. Her eyes grew comically wide and Manson had to try not to laugh. “It’s no problem,” he said smoothly. “You’re very talented.”  
Amari just stood there with her mouth open, completely in awe that Marilyn fucking Manson was standing in front of her, at her gallery opening, telling her that she was talented.  
“Do you wanna take a picture? Might last a little longer,” he chuckled.  
Oh fuck im embarrassing myself! Shit! “SOrry!!” she blurted clumsily. “I’m just a really big fan and I can’t believe you’re actually here holy shit this is so crazy-” she felt herself rambling and took a deep breath and released it slowly. “Sorry! Okay, thank you so much for coming! Are you enjoying yourself?” She tried so hard to slip back into her hostess mode- just because he’s Marilyn Manson doesn’t mean she can’t be a gracious and polite hostess.  
“Don’t apologize, you’re fine. But again, you have an amazing talent. It’s beautiful.”  
The two made polite small talk for a few more minutes, before Zeke came over and had a very similar reaction as Amari.  
“Hey, Mari,” he said once his excitement had subsided, “if you wanna stay and chat, I’ll handle the rest of the night.” Out of politeness, Amari protested (weakly) before letting out an overdramatic “fiiiiine” and giving up. “Thank you so much, Z,” she murmured as she pulled him in for a hug. “I really owe you my life.”  
Zeke simply rolled his eyes and wrapped his arms around her. “No, you don’t, dummy. Now, be safe. If you get laid text me I need every detail!” The pair burst into giggles, then separated. Love you, Amari mouthed as she made her way back over to Manson.

Over the course of an hour, Amari and Manson found themselves in a more secluded area of the gallery.There was a small table with no chairs, so they were leaned against it facing each other. The conversation flowed easily between the two and maybe if Manson wasn’t so opposed to healthy human relationships, he would keep in contact with her after tonight. At some point, Manson had taken off his sunglasses and was openly looking Amari up and down, but the all the champagne she had made it hard for her to care.  
Manson had been trying to decide how he was going to play his cards, but the patience for smooth talking had worn off a while ago. “So, any after party plans?” simple, to the point. He hoped she wasn’t too tipsy to miss his intentions.  
A sly smile broke out across her face and she leaned in closer. “Nah, not really. Why? Do you have something in mind?”  
“Yeah, if you’re interested.”  
“Well you have to tell me what it is first. I gotta know if you’re just trying to murder me or something.” She laughed and leaned over further, poking out her ass. The neckline of her dress gapped just slightly, giving Manson a little peek of the lacy black bra she was wearing.  
“I was thinking about taking you back to my place and seeing what’s underneath that dress. You look so good bent over like that, I don’t know if I’ll be able to wait. Might have to fuck you right in the backseat.” He spoke smoothly and confidently and Amari didn’t stand a damn chance. She was practically drooling as he spoke. “The murder part can wait till later on.”  
The look on Amari’s face changed so quickly that Manson couldn’t hold back his laughter as he backtracked. “I’m kidding, sweetheart.”  
Amari just rolled her eyes and straightened up to readjust her dress. “Ha ha, very funny.” She couldn’t help but blush deep red when Manson came around the table and wrapped an arm around her waist, hand brushing her ass. “I sent Zeke a text, he knows what to do, so i’m ready when you are.”  
“Perfect.” Manson lead her around the crowds to the entrance with a hand on the small of her back, sometimes sliding down to cup her ass. She made eye contact with Zeke on the way out and flashed him a thumbs up, and he winked in return. Once outside, he opened the door to the black SUV for Amari before getting in himself. “Take us home, and roll up the partition,” he commanded bluntly before adding a mumbled “thanks”. 

Amari’s brain was racing 1000 miles per hour. Never in a million years did she think she would be here, in the back of a limo with Marilyn Manson. She really never thought she’d be in the back of a limo with Marilyn Manson with his hands on her thighs and his tongue in her mouth. But there she was, making out with the Antichrist Superstar in his limo on the way to his house to probably get fucked and maybe murdered  
Halfway through the ride they separated for a moment to reposition, Manson pulling her onto his lap so that she was straddling him and shoving a hand down her panties. “God, you’re wet. Is this for me?” He smirked at the way her breath hitched when he slid two long fingers in her cunt. “I asked you a question, baby. Answer me.”  
Amari whimpered before nodding her head. “Y-yes, yes it’s for you, daddy.” Normally she would be mortified at how easily she let her kink slip but she truly could not give less of a shit in that moment. His steady rhythm with his fingers and the way the heel of his hand ground against her clit was making her lose her mind. “Good girl,” he whispered in her ear as he left little bites along the column of her throat, being careful not to leave any that would bruise. He would save those for later. While he had never really been a fan of overly noisy girls, something about Amari’s little pants and mewls as she rode his fingers was intoxicating. The whine she let out when he withdrew his fingers was almost enough to make him cum right then and there. The soft “oh” that left her lips when she watched him make a show of licking her juices off his fingers was even better.  
“So sweet,” he murmured after sucking his last finger clean. She tasted herself on his tongue when he kissed her again. 

“Can I use your bathroom real quick?” Amari asked once they had gotten inside.  
“Yeah. Down the hall, on the left. It’s probably a mess, sorry.”  
When Amari clicked the light on in the small bathroom, she was met with red stains all over the porcelain, and a little baggie of cocaine on the counter next to a half snorted line of coke. ‘Probably a mess’ was definitely an understatement, but between the alcohol and the activities in the car she really had to pee, so she didn’t really have a choice. Before she left, she checked her reflection in an unstained part of the mirror, then unzipped her dressed and stepped out of it. 

Amari walked back towards the living room in nothing but her bra, panties, and heels. She found Manson lounged on the couch, legs spread. The outline of his half hard cock was clearly visible through his pants. “Damn,” Manson breathed when he saw her. His eyes raked over her body and she couldn’t help but blush under his gaze. “C’mere.”  
He moved over for her to sit next to him and guided her down so that her back was rested against the arm with him between her legs. Amari had honestly never been so turned on in her entire life. Manson held her gaze steady as he kissed her clit through the black lacy panties. “Do you want me to eat your pretty pussy, princess?” She nodded frantically before blurting out “yes”. Manson simply hummed and ran his lips along the edge of her panties. Very very rarely did he give oral without receiving first, but for some reason he felt compelled to make her cum for him.  
His warm breath was driving her insane; she wasn’t going to last long with all this teasing. “Say please.” It was almost embarrassing how easily she was complying with his requests. When he was finally satisfied with the amount of begging she had done, he pulled the panties down her legs and tossed them somewhere behind him.  
Amari couldn’t look away from his heavy lidded gaze as he licked a broad stripe up her pussy. He hummed against her and continued working her folds with his tongue. When Amari tried to grind her hips into his face to get some friction on her clit, his tattooed hands gripped her with enough force to bruise, effectively holding her in place. He drove his tongue in and out of her, purposefully neglecting her clit. She didn’t even realize a steady stream of please please daddy was pouring from her mouth until he pulled away and asked “Please daddy what?” with a smirk. His face was shiny with her juices and his lipstick was smeared all over his cheeks and probably all over her pussy too. Amari just moaned in response.  
He drove back in, this time easing two fingers in her and attaching his lips directly over her clit. Amari couldn’t contain the loud moan that escaped her. Her grip tightened on his raven locks as he assaulted her clit with his tongue. He crooked his fingers just right, brushing the spot inside her that made her see stars. As she approached her orgasm, she babbled, begging him please don’t stop daddy right there fuck oh god. Her legs began to tremble and Manson moved his hand to allow her to grind her hips all she wanted. He looks up at her with his pupils blown wide with lust, watching as she rode his face.  
When she finally fell over the edge, her profanity turned into moans. Her grip on his hair turned brutal, not that he minded. He kept working her clit until she tried to push him off from overstimulation. He hadn’t actually enjoyed eating someone out for a very long time, let alone some random girl he barely knew. But it didn’t mean anything, probably.  
He sat up and wiped his face before leaning over and planting a sloppy kiss on Amari’s lips. “Come with me,” he said as he stood up. He lead them down the hall to his bedroom and closed the door behind them before pinning Amari to it with her hands above her head in one of his hands. He was easily 3 inches taller than her, even with her still having the heels on. She closed the distance between them first, capturing his lips in a hard kiss. He easily undid the button and zipper on his pants, stepping out of them and his boxers and the same time. His cock was almost painfully hard at this point. He stepped away from Amari for a second to push her over to the bed where he bent her over and pressed his body against hers again. “You sure you wanna do this?” He wasn’t really sure why he felt he needed to give her another chance to get out of this, but lust clouded his mind too much to give it much thought. “Yes, please please i’m sure,” she breathed. She was already so desperate. “Do you have a condom, though?” 

Manson couldn’t help but laugh out loud. “Oh, princess. I can assure you I’m much worse than what you’ll catch from me.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything about her made him crave more and more. And despite his vow to never fall for anyone else, he felt himself falling more and more for her.   
> NSFW

Amari sat in her studio, covered in paint and blasting music as she worked on a new piece. It had been almost a month since her opening ceremony and things were in full swing. She had an exhibition coming up in a few months, she was offering drawing and painting classes, and every couple of days she would get a text from Manson asking if she was free to come over. Very inconspicuous- maybe she was coming over to watch a movie, or paint a portrait of him. Manson said he liked her because she didn’t obsess over the fact that he was who he was.  
The music from her speaker muted as a call came in, and she already knew who it was from the special ringtone.  
“Are you busy?” Manson’s voice was rough, like he’d just woken up, even though it was almost 3 in the afternoon.  
Amari held the phone between her shoulder and her ear as she went back to her painting. “Hello to you, too. Yeah, I’m at the studio right now but I think I’m leaving in about an hour.”  
Manson chuckled softly. “Sorry princess, I’ve forgotten my manners. How are you?”  
She couldn’t help but smile at the nickname he always used for her. “I’m fine! Just a little busy. You?”  
He sighed before answering, “Just peachy” with his voice full of sarcasm. “Can you stop by when you leave? I miss that pretty face.” Warmth tinged her cheeks as she blushed at the compliment. “Yeah, I will. I’ll text you when I’m on the way.”

Time seemed to have come to a complete stop while Manson waited at home for Amari to come. He did actually enjoy spending time with her- she made him feel less numb and she seemed to give a fuck about him, even though they were just fuck buddies. Or at least that’s what he kept telling himself. Nothing more. But sometimes he can’t help but watch her as she sleeps and admire how peaceful she looks, or think about taking her out to nice restaurants just to spoil her. He can’t help but smile every time he sees her. But as quickly as the thoughts appeared, Manson chased them away. Just fuck buddies. Nothing more.  
After what felt like an eternity, there was finally a knock on the door. It was almost comical how quickly Manson hopped off the couch. He swung the door open and smiled down at Amari. “Hi, come in,” he said, moving out of the doorway.  
Once she was inside, Manson quickly closed the door and pinned her to it. His mouth immediately met hers in a searing kiss and his hands flew to her hips. “Missed you, princess,” he mumbled against her lips when they parted for air. Amari smiled and pecked him on the lips. “It’s only been, like, a week, weirdo.” Manson pulled back, feigning hurt. She rolled her eyes with a laugh and laced her arms around his neck, pulling him back into her. “I missed you, too.”

The two made their way to the bedroom, leaving clothes on the floor in their wake. Halfway there, Manson picked her up and carried her the rest of the way, with his hard on pressed against her stomach as she wrapped her legs around him. Once in the room, he laid her gently on the bed and situated himself between her thighs. “Missed you,” he murmured again.  
He slid two fingers in her wet cunt and crooked them the way he knew she liked, relishing in the purr she made. He took his time fingering her, working her up into a frenzy. Manson loved the way Amari sighed into his mouth, loved the way he could taste the minty gum she was chewing, loved the way her fingers tangled in his hair. But he’d never say it out loud. 

Her hips rose and fell with the rhythm of his fingers. He pressed his thumb to her clit, relishing in the way her breath caught in her throat before turning into a moan as he moved in steady circles.  
“Baby, please, I need you,” Amari moaned against his lips. Manson straightened up at the sound of her voice and gazed down at her with half lidded eyes. “You’re gorgeous like this, princess. All spread out for me.” He lifted one of her legs and placed a kiss on her ankle. “All mine.” The gesture made a deep blush spread across Amari’s cheeks, which didn’t go unnoticed by the man above her. Manson kept his hold on her ankle as he slowly pressed into her pussy.  
“Fuuuuck, baby,” she moaned as the familiar feeling of being stretched took over. He set a steady rhythm to begin with, but it didn’t take long before he was pounding into her. Using her leg for leverage, he snapped his hips into her, enjoying the warmth in the pit of his stomach. Her fingers tangled tightly in the short hair at the base of his neck as she pulled him down to crash their lips together in a searing kiss.  
As her orgasm drew closer, a constant stream of profanity mixed with moans left Amari’s mouth. Manson took the cue and snaked a hand down between their two sweaty bodies to rub her clit in fast circles. “You gonna cum for me baby?” he growled. Amari nodded as her babbling turned into confirmation and pleading of yes please god make me cum. He leaned down and sank his teeth into the soft skin of her neck, and the sweet pain mixing with the pleasure threw her over the edge. Her back arched off the bed and she came with a broken cry. Manson’s hips stuttered at the way her pussy tightened even more around her, and it wasn’t long before he was pulling out and finishing on her stomach. They were both panting, sweating messes, but that didn’t stop Manson from crawling under the sheets and pulling Amari with him.  
“You’re gonna get cum all over your sheets, go get a rag or something,” Amari protested.  
“Don’t care. C’mere,” Manson muttered as he slid Amari closer to him. He captured her lips in a slow kiss, his tongue sliding lazily between her lips. 

After a while, Amari pulled back from Manson’s constant kisses and rolled out of the bed. “I’ll be right back. One second.”  
“Where you going?” Manson drawled as she walked out of the room. She returned a moment later with two neatly rolled blunts and a lighter. “Two questions- first, do you want one? I brought one for you cus I didn’t wanna be rude,” she laughed. “Second, do you mind if I smoke in here or do you want me to go somewhere else?”  
Manson couldn’t hold back a smile. “Do I look like the type of person to turn down drugs?”  
Amari broke out into a matching grin and crawled back under the sheets. They lit up and relaxed and let the drugs take effect. 

Conversation flowed loosely between them, topics landing on anything and everything. At some point, Amari ended up with her head in Manson’s lap, looking up at him in awe as he blew smoke rings into the air. “How can you do that so easily! After all these years of being a pothead I still can’t figure it out.” He looked down at her and smiled, before taking a long drag and blowing three perfect O’s blowing the rest out through his nose. Amari rolled her bloodshot eyes. “Show off.”  
“You love it, though.”  
“Still a show off.”  
Manson chuckled softly and gently gripped her jaw, turning her face towards him. “Put your lips like this,” he demonstrates the O shape for her and she mimics him the best she can. He takes another long drag before leaning down, touching his lips to hers, and blowing out gently. He felt her smile into the kiss and crane her neck up to get more of him. Eventually Amari ended up back in his lap, straddling him with her arms wrapped around his neck and his hands kneading her ass. They kissed lazily, enjoying each other’s company. 

Even with the weed clouding his thoughts, he still noticed every little thing about Amari- from the way the edges of her lips curled up into a permanent smirk the more she smoked, to the adoring way she looked at him.  
“Thanks for coming,” Manson said in between kisses.  
“Why wouldn’t I? I did miss you. A little.” She beamed at him. It made his heart stutter just a tad.  
“I- It’s just, you didn’t have to. I know I’m not much fun to be around.”  
“That’s true,” she teased. “But only because I don’t know shit about you.”  
“So what, you wanna get to know me or something?”  
She smiled again- that damn smile, he thought. “Yeah, I do. Of course you’re famous and everything so I know the basics, like your birthday and shit, but I wanna get to know you. Like you you, if that makes sense.”  
Manson studied her for a moment, searching her bloodshot eyes for anything but found nothing but honesty. “You can certainly try,” he said with a shrug. “Where do you wanna start, princess?”  
“I don’t know. You tell me what you want to. Maybe we could get dinner or something before you fuck my brains out?”  
Upon hearing the last thing she said, Manson’s heart leapt into his throat. As much as he wanted to say “yes, finally, I’ve been waiting for you to ask so I didn’t have to”, he played it cool and simply huffed out a laugh through his nose. “Sure, princess. Whatever you want.”

Later that night, long after Amari had left, Manson was still awake. What the fuck am I getting myself into? She was kind and beautiful and had so much going for herself. The last thing she needed was someone like him messing it all up for her. He let his mind wander back through memories of earlier that day- the way she kissed him, the way she looked at him. Everything about her made him crave more and more. And despite his vow to never fall for anyone else, he felt himself falling more and more for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whew chile this took me FOREVER to write im sorry!! college started again and i severely overestimated the amount of writing time i would have in my schedule lol but im going to be splitting up some chapters so they're going to be a little shorter and hopefully a little easier for me to get them out to yall in a timely manner :)  
> thanks for sticking with me!!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> emotions are scary

Two weeks later, a call woke Amari from a nap. “Hello?”

“Good afternoon, princess. Are you busy?” The smooth voice on the other line immediately perked her up. 

“No, I’m not; what’s up?”

“I want to take you up on your offer you made the last time I saw you. Dinner before my dessert, I suppose.”

Amari was shocked. She was so high when she said that she didn’t think he would take her seriously. She could barely get her lips to work enough to stutter out a yes, but somehow she did. He had already decided on the place; some fancy steakhouse Amari had never had the funds to eat at and the time. “I’ll be by to pick you up at 7, see you then, princess.” 

As soon as the line went dead, she sent a frantic text to Zeke. 

 

It had been more than a while since Manson had bothered actually to take someone out. He was almost nervous. Almost. 

Amari, on the other hand, was a wreck. Zeke came over to keep her from having a complete mental breakdown and help her pick out something to wear.

“Why’d you suggest he take you out if you were gonna freak out about it when he took you up on the offer?” Zeke questioned as he rifled through the dresses in her closet. 

“I don’t know! We were high! I didn’t even think he remembered me asking,” Amari answered from the bathroom. 

“Well, you’re in it now, babe. Suck it up and have some fun for once! Don’t you get tired of sitting in the studio all the time?” He held up a tight-fitting, sleeveless black dress with a slit on one side, considered it for a moment, then carried it out and laid it on the bed. “You’re wearing this one,” he called. 

“No, I don’t get tired of being in my studio all day doing what I love,” Amari replied sarcastically. She put the finishing touches on her makeup, then stepped into the bedroom for Zeke to zip her into the dress. “Damn, I’m good at this,” Zeke said with a grin as he admired Amari. “You look great, babe. Please relax and have some fucking fun for the love of God.” 

“I don’t know what I would do without you, Z. Thank you so so much.” He pulled her into a tight hug and wished her luck once more before seeing himself out. 

 

Amari checked the time- 6:54. It felt like she was being wound tighter and tighter with every passing moment. She almost jumped out of her skin when she finally got the alert on her cell phone to buzz Manson into the apartment building. 

“Hey,” Manson said with a smile. His eyes roamed over her body, taking in all the details of her outfit. “You look amazing, baby.” 

A deep blush warmed her cheeks as she stepped out and locked the door behind her. “Thanks, so do you.” She couldn’t make herself meet his intense gaze down at her. 

“Are you ready?” He reached out his arm, and Amari slipped her hand in the crook of his elbow as they made their way down to the parking garage. 

“Wow, you actually drove yourself to come and get me? Are you finally gonna murder me?” she joked upon seeing the shiny black car Manson drove to pick her up in. 

Manson cracked a smile and huffed a laugh through his nose. “Yeah, I didn’t want any extra witnesses, so I gave my driver the night off.” She froze, and the look on her face was almost as priceless as the first time Manson had made that joke. His smile grew as he opened the car door for her. “I’m just playing. Maybe,” he added as he closed it behind her.

The ride to the restaurant was almost silent. Amari’s nerves were through the roof.  _ I’m going on a date with Marilyn Manson _ , she thought to herself over and over, as if repeating it would make reality set it faster, but it still felt like a dream. She almost shot out of her seat when Manson’s hand squeezed her thigh.

“You okay?” He kept his eyes on the road. 

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just a little nervous.”

“Why are you nervous? This was your idea.” Amari didn’t turn to look at him, but she could hear the smile in his voice. “We can turn around if you want. I’ll take you back home.”

“No! No, I want to go!” she blurted out. “It’s just nerves.”

Manson chuckled. “Good, just checking. I’m not going to murder you. You can relax.”

 

When they got to the restaurant, the host led them to a private room that was empty except for them and another old couple. Manson ordered a bottle of wine, and some appetizer-  _ You ever had calamari before? No? Let’s change that. _

The waiter had gone to put in their order, and it was just the two of them. Manson folded his hands under his chin, while Amari put hers in her lap. 

“So. You wanted to get to know me. Ask away.”

Suddenly, Amari’s mind went blank. It occurred to her that she had never called him by his name before, only pet names while they were having sex.  _ Oh fuck oh fuck _ , she thought. He looked at her expectantly, waiting for her first question, and she panicked and blurted the first thing that came to her mind. 

“Alright Mr. Manson, um-”

He burst out laughing before she could even get her question out. “Fuck, you act like this is an interrogation or something. You know you can call me by my name, right? Brian is fine.”

His laugh made her nerves act up even more. He seemed so comfortable with her like they had done this a million times before. He leaned back in his chair, still smiling. “I wanna know more about you, too. I’ll tell you something, then you tell me. Deal?”

Amari finally let herself crack a smile. “Okay, Brian.”

 

The rest of the night went beautifully. The more they talked, the more comfortable they became with each other. Amari’s nerves finally subsided enough to let her open up some, and Brian let down his guard enough to feel comfortable sharing things about himself. They were telling stories about things in their past that should be embarrassing with the enthusiasm of school children, their laughter ringing through the small room. 

As they waited for the dessert, Amari let her eyes roam appreciatively over the man in front of her. The plain black dress shirt he wore- sleeves rolled up to the elbows- was a nice change of scenery from the t-shirts she was used to seeing him in. His hair was just as unruly as usual, but it suited him. Her eyes settled on his full lips, sans lipstick today. She didn’t realize she was being watched as well until they pulled up into a smirk. “Like what you see?” he mused. 

Amari’s cheeks flushed with color as she grinned back at him. “Yeah, I guess you’re not too bad- for an old man.” 

Brian laughed aloud, and the sound warmed Amari’s heart. “Low blow, wow.” 

 

The waiter interrupts with dessert, a huge piece of chocolate cake, but only one fork. As Amari goes to motion to the waiter to bring one more, Brian picks off a small piece and offers it over to her. The gesture shocked her, and she froze a moment in confusion, before leaning forward to clean the fork off, keep his gaze the whole time. 

“How is it?” he asked, taking off a piece of his own. 

“Sooo good.”  And she meant it. It was easily the best piece of cake she’d ever had. 

Brian kept up the routine of feeding her every other bite of cake until they’d cleaned the entire plate, frosting and all. 

 

Amari almost had a heart attack when she glanced at the check. “Holy shit!” she loudly whispered, causing the old couple in the room with them to throw dirty looks over their shoulders. “That’s way too much, at least let me pay half!” 

Brian rolled his eyes and ignored her protests as he pulled a black card out of his wallet and sent it with the waiter. “Baby, relax. I’m far from broke, and this was my treat.” 

“Well at least let me make it up to you when we get back to my place.” 

“Oh? What did you have in mind?” He grinned, nonexistent eyebrows raised with curiosity. 

“I guess you’ll just have to wait and find out,” Amari purred. 

 

The ride back to Amari’s apartment was comfortably quiet. Brian’s hand rested on her thigh, inching closer and closer to the short hem of her dress. He kissed her deeply as soon as they parked in the parking garage, and again as she fumbled with the keys to her apartment door, and another once they were inside.  

“Thank you for dinner,” Amari mumbled against his lips. He hummed in response, more focused on pulling down the zipper of her dress. With the offending fabric pooled on the floor around Amari’s ankles, Brian allowed his hands to roam wherever they so pleased. Amari made quick work of his shirt buttons, choosing to unbutton them individually rather than separate to push it over his head. 

Somehow without separating, they fumbled their way to Amari’s bedroom. She flipped them so she would be on top when they fell onto the bed, and Brian was happy to let her lead. Her earlier promise of some surprise in the restaurant filled him with anticipation. She made quick work of his belt and pants, shoving them and his boxers down to his knees and letting his thick cock spring free. The cold air hitting his sensitive cock made him hiss, but it dissolved when Amari placed a single kiss to the velvety head. “Thank you for dinner, baby,” she purred before licking a broad stripe from base to tip. She looked up through her lashes and was pleased to see Brian watching her intently. 

She took her time, kissing and licking slowly, trying to work him up, and it was working. By the time she finally took his head between her soft lips, he was already embarrassingly close to an orgasm. She tongued his slit, tasting his salty precum, before moving further down and swirling her tongue around him. Only when she felt like he had endured enough did she finally start to bob her head in a steady rhythm. 

Brian brought a hand up to tangle in her hair, not to push but only to incentivize her not to tease him again. A low groan escaped him as he fought the urge to buck his hips. “So fucking good, baby,” he whispered. 

Amari hummed around his length, the vibrations sending shivers up his spine. She sped up her pace and brought one hand up to roll his balls gently between her nimble fingers. 

“You keep that up and I’m not gonna last much longer.” His voice was rough, and his head was thrown back in pleasure. 

She pulled off with an obscene pop. “That’s the plan, baby.” She flashed a grin before returning to his cock. 

Amari whined when Brian gently pushed her off of him, but it died quickly when he brought her face to face with him and kissed her fiercely. “Wanna cum in your pussy, baby.” 

Amari couldn’t think of a response, her thoughts too clouded with arousal. A quiet moan escaped her lips as she adjusted her position so that she was straddling Brian’s slender hips and slowly took all of his length into her pussy. They both moaned as she bottomed out, and Brian didn’t give any time to adjust before he was thrusting into her. His hands gripped her hips roughly as he controlled the speed, leaving little finger-shaped bruises in his wake. 

With every stroke, Amari’s clit brushed up against Brian’s pubic bone, sending shockwaves through her. Brian was dangerously close to cumming, his hips beginning to lose their rhythm. He sat up and wrapped a hand around her throat. They held each other’s gazes, heavy-lidded and pupils blown wide, and their breath came in pants. 

As his orgasm drew closer and closer, his thrusts grew more erratic until he finally pulled out and shot thick ropes of cum on Amari’s stomach. He flopped back onto the bed, pulling Amari with him. 

“Come up here,” said Brian after finally catching his breath. “Sit on my face, baby.”

A deep blush spread across her face and chest at the boldness of his request, but she quickly assumed her position hovering above his awaiting tongue. He wasted no time, immediately sucking her sensitive nub into his mouth. It only took a few minutes before she was grinding her hips down, desperately chasing her orgasm. Finally, the knot in her stomach burst and her stream of profanity turned into moans as she rode out her orgasm on his face. 

  
  


“I need to tell you something,” Brian said quietly as they lay in the afterglow of their shared orgasms. Amari hummed in response. 

_ Fuck _ . He froze. Telling her how he felt would make it real; there would be no more denying and he would have to deal with his feelings for her and be honest, something he hadn’t been in a long time. 

“I’m listening,” she said gently. 

“I- uh. I- Nothing. Nevermind. It’s not important.”  _ Fuck! Just fucking say it! _ , his inner dialogue screamed at him; but this was scary! Every woman he let see him vulnerable ended up hurting him in the long run. 

“Are you sure?” She looked up at him expectantly, but he couldn’t bring himself to meet her eyes. He closed his lips in a tight line and nodded once. His heart was racing with anxiety- this could not be happening right now. The last thing he wanted to do was take his anger with himself out on Amari. He needed to get out of there.

 

The mood in the room had very obviously shifted. Amari didn’t know what Brian was keeping, but it had to be something pretty big. She silently hoped he was trying to tell her he had feelings for her, the same feelings she developed for him, but she chased the thought out of her head quickly — no need to get her feelings hurt hoping for things that won’t happen. 

The tension multiplied by the moment. Each second spent in silence added another layer to the room until it was unbearable. 

“I’m gonna head out,” Brian announced suddenly, moving to untangle himself from the sheets. He didn’t look at Amari as he gathered up his clothes from around the room. 

“You don’t have to. You can stay the night if you want.” 

“No, I should go.” He threw his boxers and pants on and left the room to find his shirt. Amari followed after him wrapped up in the comforter, utterly confused by what was happening. 

“Did I do something wrong?” No answer. “Can you look at me? Please?” 

Her hand on his shoulder made him turn, and the look on her face almost made him stay. He had never seen her look so sad before and it killed him to know he was the reason for it. 

“You didn’t do anything, I swear. I’ll call you, okay?” Brian forced himself to meet her eyes even though he was lying through his teeth. He placed a chaste kiss on her lips before turning on his heel and walking out into the night. Only when the door was locked did Amari let her tears fall.

 

In the car, Brian thought about every possible scenario for never speaking to Amari again. He’d move out of LA if he had to, as long as he was as far away from her as possible. No one had ever had such a hold on him in such a short amount of time, and he refused to ever let anyone else like that in again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so so so sorry this took so long for me to write :( I really appreciate you all for sticking with me and still coming back to read this even though I haven't updated since January! I don't want to make any promises but hopefully the next chapter will be out in less than four months this time!!!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> reconciliation

Tuesday, 12:03 PM

_ Hey are u free anytime this week? I’d love to see u :)  _

 

Friday, 3:34 PM

_ Okay I guess not??  _

11:48 PM

_ Are u dead???? _

 

Tuesday, 9:30 AM

_ Okay seriously what’s going on? I’m getting worried :(  _

8:06 PM

_ I’ll leave you alone i guess just lmk if ur okay please _

 

Sunday, 1:43 AM

_ Did I do something? CAN I do something?????? Talk to me pls  _

 

Wednesday, 2:47 AM

_ Okay. Fine.  _

 

It physically hurt Manson to ignore Amari like that, but it had to be done. His walls were built too high and he was absolutely unwilling to let someone else in to hurt him. It was obvious that she was already having an effect on him- he was fucking happy for once. Even Johnny noticed it. His closest friend and confidant (next to Twiggy but they were on the outs right now) didn’t agree with his decision to ditch Amari, but he decided it was none of his business.

“I’m tired of you moping around. You need to get out of this house,” Depp said one day when he came to visit. “Either stop being a pussy and go talk to her or come to Greece with me.” 

Manson rolled his eyes at first, but the thought of talking to Amari made his stomach turn, so he eventually agreed on Greece. So there he was, at some party in Mykonos surrounded by beautiful Greek women who were more than willing to let him do anything he wanted with them, still miserable. 

“Dude, seriously. If she made you happy then talk to her. I’m sure she doesn’t have bad intentions,” Johnny said, cutting up a thin line of coke. He leant down and quickly snorted the white substance before continuing his sentence. “I thought she was nice!”   
“You never even met her,” Manson groaned. 

“That’s fair. But I liked what she did to you. You looked happy, man. I think you should reconsider.”

“Fuck off. I don’t wanna think about her right now,” Manson grumbled as he cut his own line of coke and snorted it.

 

Across the globe, Amari was trying to hold herself together. In the back of her mind she knew this was too good to be true. There was no way she was going to end up in a relationship with a fucking rockstar. She always said she wasn’t the type of person to cry over failed relationships, but as tears streamed down her face while she looked at the dozens unread messages she sent to Manson she was definitely beginning to rethink that. Really, she was only mad at herself for being so naive, for being so caught up in her fantasy she forgot about reality. She turned to work to cope, churning out paintings faster than ever. As the days passed with no response from Manson, she was sober less and less, lighting up every chance she got. 

“You’re gonna kill yourself smoking all that weed, Mari,” Zeke chided her when he caught her smoking in her studio. “Why don’t you give it a rest for a day?”

“‘M fine, Zee. I promise.”

“If you say so.” Zeke dropped the subject but the worried look in his eyes remained. “Why don’t we watch movies tonight? Take your mind off of things?”

Amari agreed even though the last thing she wanted to do was have any kind of human contact, even with her best friend. 

 

When Manson arrived back in the country after his month-long “retreat”, the emptiness of his house hit him like a ton of bricks. Apparently he had gotten more used to Amari’s company than he thought. Alone in his bedroom, he sighed as he looked around at all the little mementos of Amari- one of her bras was hanging on the back of the door knob, there were bobby pins on the nightstand from her curly hair, a pair of her panties was laying on the floor. The big king sized bed felt painfully empty without her on the other side of it. He felt his chest contract as he imagined her laying next to him, naked and wrapped up in his dark sheets. 

He should not feel like this. 

_ I should text her _ , he thought.  _ Maybe she’d forgive me. _ He grabbed his phone and opened their thread, but couldn’t think of anything to say. 

_ Sorry for ghosting you I was afraid that I liked you too much. _ No. 

_ Hey.  _ No.

_ I’m sorry. _ No. 

He typed and backspaced for what felt like hours before finally giving up and throwing is phone across the room. “Fuck!” he shouted. He looked at the clock on his nightstand and chewed his lip for a moment, contemplating his next moves. “Fuck it,” he said aloud to the empty room. He grabbed his keys and rushed out the door to his car. This needed to be done in person.

 

It had been almost a month since the last message Amari sent, and she would like to believe that she was doing better. She threw herself into work, spending almost every waking hour at the studio. And her hard work was paying off- she had been invited to a gala to showcase some of her pieces. It was late at night, and she was getting ready to lock up and go home for the night, when the door alarm chirped, alerting her that someone had come in. 

 

“Zeke?” There was no answer, so she stepped out into the reception area. 

“Amari.” The unexpected voice startled her. She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw the man standing in front of the door.

“What do you want?” She tried to put some edge in her voice. “I guess your phone works?”

“Look,” Manson sighed, “I’m sorry. I had some shit I had to figure out.” 

“That’s the oldest excuse in the book. I’m not fucking stupid,” she spat. “If you were tired of me all you had to do was say that.”

“Mari, I wasn’t tired of you. I wanted more of you and that was the issue.” He stepped further into the room, but Amari held her ground. “What are you talking about?”

Manson sighed again and ran a hand through his messy hair. “I have feelings for you, and I was scared, Amari. I don’t want to get hurt again. And I don’t want to hurt you in the process. I left hoping you would forget about me, but I couldn’t forget about you.”

“Bullshit. Do you think I’m fucking stupid?”

This was not going to plan at all. He didn’t expect her to fall into his arms, no, but he was at least hoping she would hear him out. “Mari, please. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. I have so much I need to work out with myself but I never had a reason to do it until I met you. I ran because I was fucking scared. I’m falling in love with you and I’m so afraid.”

His admission had her frozen in place. All the anger dissipated and all she could say was “oh”. He stood in front of her and took her face in his hands, tilting her head up so he could look into her eyes. “I’m sorry, Mari.”

She searched his eyes for any hint of deception, but he held her gaze steady. “Why couldn’t you just tell me?” All the hurt she had been feeling over the past month rushed in to replace the anger and tears brimmed on her eyelids and threatened to spill over. She was wrapped in his arms before the first tear fell.

“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry I hurt you baby.”   
Amari cried freely now, sniveling into Brian’s chest. “I thought I had done something wrong,” she hiccupped. 

“No, baby, I was being a fucking idiot. How can I make this up to you? I swear to God I’ll do anything.”

A small smile cracked through her tears. “You don’t even believe in God, dumbass.”

“I’ll believe in anything as long as I get to stay with you. Let me take you home.”

 

Amari quickly locked up the studio, leaving all her paints and brushes where they lie. Brian insisted on them riding to his house together, promising to bring her back to get her car in the morning. As happy as Amari was to have him back in her arms once more, she couldn’t shake the feeling that things had yet to be resolved. But, more than anything, she just wanted to enjoy one night with her love before her fantasy fell apart again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you're reading this thank you SO much!!! Thank you for sticking with me and this trainwreck even though I take 2 months to write chapters :( My mental health is in shambles right now (we luv bipolar disorder) but I'm too invested to abandon this! It's my baby and I've grown so attached to it so as long as yall stick with me I'll keep trying to get this finished! I have big plans for this I swear!

**Author's Note:**

> https://www.pinterest.com/pin/147070744066133091/ - Amari's dress  
> this has nothing to do with the plot for real i just wanted y'all to see what dress i picked out lmao
> 
> please leave constructive criticism in the comments! i really want this to be good so let me know what can be better!!


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